hagsville - population: 0

A while back, I talked about working with three hags who just drove me nuts at work. Lazy and gossipy and catty and complain-y.

Over the last couple months though, they've been let go one at a time - one was fired and the other two were laid off! I know it seems callous, but I honestly have no sympathy for them.

The three of us who are left are secretly excited that we'll finally be able to relax at work and not worry about all the she-said-she-said. (After the last of the hags left the office, the flood gates were opened for my coworker who had to work closely with her. Can you believe she would come back from lunch drunk??)

I'll admit that I did get a tad misty-eyed when another one of my other coworkers was laid off yesterday. He came back this morning to pack the rest of his belongings and I felt awful. He didn't deserve it, but I guess it is what it is.

On another note, I've finally started my contracting position. Things are a little bit crazy right now - working 11-12 hour days because of training. Can't wait until I can finally start working from home. All this driving around is driving me mad! I much prefer commuting via Joe Metro.

it's been a slow week..

So you know how that new hag compliments me all the time? She's been working overtime this week and telling me that I should be a model because I have so much cute clothes.

Clothes do not make a model. A model makes the clothes.. No wait. Small children in third world countries with violent dictators make the clothes.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm confusing myself.

I better go shopping. I called Barney's earlier to check the balance on my gift card. It's at $63! Woohoo! That'll pay for the tax of whatever I'm buying. And you know I'm buying.

Anyway, the hag isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. She asked to borrow my phone list the other day but she still couldn't find what she was looking for. I asked her whom she was trying to reach and she said the reception desk. I was like, "Umm.. Don't you just dial '0'?"

And then she felt stupid. As well she should!

Gawd, I'm such a bitch.

i am to modest! i am! i am! i am!

That new hag I work with is pretty nice. And she doesn't seem to be a lazy and fat like the other hags I work with. Basically, I don't hate her, which is quite an accomplishment since I'm a jaded, angry, minority working for The Man.

But of course, I still have a gripe. It's a silly one, but I'm a brat. My gripe is that she compliments me too often! Every morning she compliments me on my outfit. Yesterday she even said I looked like a model. Now, I'm no hag, but I'm no Victoria's Secret model either - I could probably pass for a Sears model or maybe a Target ad.

Seriously, I have a pretty good fashion sense but some days I roll into work wearing a hoody, jeans and sneaks. She'll still find something to gush about. I'm sure she's just trying to be friendly, but I'd prefer to have compliments on days that I actually deserve one!

I won't begrudge the girl who has good taste in other girls with good taste but egads!

hags-icle (cos she sucks)

I mean really. Can this hag get any more immature?

Apparently, when my supe was getting ready to go on a site visit to meet with our client and the contractor, hag thought it'd be funny if she changed the setting on the digital camera so that whenever our supe took a picture, the camera made a barking sound!

Hello?? Am I the only one that thinks that this was hugely inappropriate?

And the hag-saga continues...

there's a new hag in town

There’s a new gal sitting next to me at work. I really shouldn’t be judging her mainly because she’s only been here for four days. So far, she doesn’t seems like the sharpest tool in the shed. But I’ll give you an update after 90 days. She kinda talks like one of those ladies on the SNL skit about Scwheddy Balls. She’s always saying how she’s embarrassed. It’s weird how nervous she is. And she didn’t know what a PDF was. WTH?

Here’s an update on the other hag though.

Ever since that last conversation, I blocked her from my IM and life has been peachy keen! Except today. She’s over here flappin’ her hag jaw about how she got burned while using the tanning bed at her apartment. Then she flashes me her gut and not only does it look like a red hot slab of Christmas ham, but she seriously has her belly button pierced! Ewwiiee!

Let me get this straight.. People started getting their bellies pierced circa 1996… Most likely she didn’t get it pierced until a few years into the fad so we’ll say maybe around 2000. Hag is about 50 years old… Do the math. She got it done at 42!

Kids, if you get body piercings, take ‘em out when you hit 30. It’s not cute.

hags at it again

For more backstory, go here.

On to the main event:
hag: by the way, are you and I ever going to get our lunch in?
hag: how does your schedule look?
hag: why don't you let me buy you lunch?
LRB: i actually ordered a sandwich already
LRB: gonna pick it up in a bit
hag: well i wasn't necessarily talking about today. How about maybe tomorrow or one day next week. And if you don't want to just let me know.
LRB: i have yoga tomorrow
hag: okay never mind you answered my question. I won't ask anymore.
hag: i give up and I'm tired of trying

five minutes pass...

hag: i hope your happy
LRB: i am perfectly happy
hag: that's exactly what i mean. all you care about is you. That's sad. And you feel good about that? Wow
hag: so much for being a team
LRB: what does having lunch have to do with being part of the "team"? it's my lunch hour. I can do as a please.
LRB: I do my work. I pitch in. So don't even say that I'm not doing my share
hag: ok
hag: then just say you don't want to have lunch. Stop beating around the bush and making up excuses all the time.
LRB: fine. i don't want to have lunch.

What the eff is her problem??

morning coffee

IM conversation with the hag this morning ~

hag: thank you for all your help while I was out. i was so sick on Friday. Couldn't even swallow my throat and head hurt so bad. Oh well it's behind me now. But thank you.
LRB: ic
LRB:: were you here on fri? i don't remember
hag: oh your [sic] funny.
hag: thanks, that really makes me feel wanted

Gawd I'm such a b*tch but I guess that's my name, huh? (BTW, I wasn't even the one covering for her! And I've confirmed that she didn't even thank either of the gals who did!) So then I totally ignore her last response and 10 minutes later she IMs me again:

hag: just kidding, it's ok not to notice when I'm not here, it's not like we sit by each other or anything. LOL

For more backstory go here.


Is it me or is she totally passive aggressive? I don't care. I have three more days until vacation! I don't have time to boost her self-esteem. So I guess I'll just stomp on it.

comin' down with a touch of crazy..

Many of you know about the drama that I've been having with this old hag at work. Here's a little background (with incriminating details deleted):

LRB,
Seriously, I want to know if I have done something to offend you. If I have I would like to know.
Also, did you block me from your IM or remove me for some reason? Just curious.
I have been slammed for the last week with way more than I can handle but you don't even say “boo” to me.
I don’t get it. (Another hag) finally stepped up and noticed I needed help and is pitching in. Granted I didn’t get up to let anyone know how slammed I was because it’s been non stop. I just don’t like feeling so distant.
Can you throw me a bone as to what’s going on?

Old Hag,
No, you didn’t. I just looked at my IM and realized I’d been logged off gmail. So I’m sorry if you thought I blocked you - I didn’t. Do you feel like you’ve done something to offend me? You seem overly sensitive about that. It was an honest mistake that I didn’t re-log into gmail. I just don’t see why there has to be “something going on”. If it bothered you today, you could’ve just mentioned it to me. I have a lot of people listed on my IM so I don’t notice if people aren’t logged on. I really don’t like have to justify myself all the time. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings nor am I that sensitive about random things that happen in the office. I don’t take things personally. Like I said the other day, just chill.
And if you needed help, you really should’ve asked. It’s not like I haven’t been here all week. All you had to do was say so. I’ve been working too and since I don’t see you as often now that the printer is away, I don’t know what you’re doing. I can’t exactly read your mind.

LRB,
You are right, my bad. No I don't expect you to justify yourself at all. I know you have been busy too, but you are right again, I need to just chill. I just have been exhausted all week which is probably why i can't get over what I have, probably all stress related. Oh and no I don't feel like i have done anything to offend you, to answer your question below. I just wish once in a while you could bop over and we go get a coffee or something. We never did go for lunch and I would really like to do that, if you are still game. In the meantime I will just chill like you said. Sorry I read into this whole thing wrong. Please forgive me. Hope you had a great evening. I am drinking a stella right now trying to get over an exhausting day and headache from coughing so much.
I still would like for you to show me some of the work you're doing. It's not my intention to ever do it, but i would like to understand what it is your doing. Would you be game for showing me? I know you have been working hard on something with the plans, it's obvious. Hope you are enjoying it. It looks like you are.
Peace Out,
Old Hag

Old Hag,
As I’ve told you before, I have not been working on ---. What I am working on has nothing to do with --- – I've been working on ---. I took this over from someone after she left. If you’re really that interested in ---, you need to talk to your supe. I got specific training on it and I don’t feel comfortable passing it on since I still don’t do a lot of ---.
Honestly, it gets pretty annoying when I feel like I have to walk on eggshells and try to make you feel better and reassure you that I’m not mad. I don’t understand why you take things so personally.
I’m sorry that you’re not feeling well and maybe that’s what’s making your emotions heightened, but I can’t keep defending myself. I’m here to work and that’s it. I’m not trying to make you feel bad nor do I want to have to make you feel better over nothing. This isn’t high school.

Did I mention the Old Hag is nearly 50 years old? This took place some time in November I think and I basically tried to distance myself from her ever since. She's a trainwreck. I have never worked with anyone so needy!

Well now she's back at it again - trying to be my bff. Oh heck no! She's been pestering me about the gym I belong to, saying that she's planning to join too. She even asked if I was "game to go three times a week during lunch." Eff that. I'm always looking for a workout buddy but no thanks.. I don't want a workout hag. I didn't bother telling her that I work out at the gym closer to where I live and not the one by the office. Hopefully, she'll join that one and then "Oops, I guess we can't work out together."

And I guess she was pestering the gal who sits near me and kept asking her if I was at my desk because I wasn't responding to her IMs and she wanted to know if I was ignoring her or if I was just away from my desk. WTH? She's stalking me.

If anything happens to me, the whole world will know who did it!

christmas cooties

This old broad that I work with has been wearing her Christmas sweaters for the last few weeks. That's not necessarily my gripe though. I mean some people just look good in them.. My gripe is that she only has two Christmas sweaters and she's been alternating them every other day!

Must be nice to just wake up in the morning and know what you're going to wear.